Have you ever said something that you regretted and hurt someone you really loved?
Kerry exceptional example of not doing this.
Never said – I wish I had never married you (not because I am perfect)
Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.
How do you do this? Speak the truth but in love?
A lot of people decide not to speak the truth, this leads to bitterness on their part and an in changed person on the part of the person who needs to change.
Proverbs 27:6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
We need to use our friendships to help people change, it is because we love them that we tell them the truth and because they feel loved and trust us that they will take the truth from us because they know their is no other agenda. “People want to know how much you care before they care how much you know”
What are some things we might have to bring up with people that we find hard to communicate in love?
You smell?
You said something offensive?
You were harsh?
The way you speak is rude?
I am concerned for your spiritual health because I saw or heard you did…….
Ephesians 4:25-27 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Don’t stuff your feelings or whimp out!
It did hurt you feelings, you do think it is wrong, that’s what made you angry that they did it
Deal with it quickly, today, before the sun goes down
Colossians 4:6 Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
Seasoned with salt! It does not have to taste bad, you can say it in an encouraging way
The sandwich approach
Prepare them you hear it, do it in a time they would expect it.
James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
Go in the the mindset that you will really seek to understand
1 Peter 4:11 If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.
How would God do it
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 12:16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.
Rules for communication
A. Is it true – or just my opinion
B. Is it necessary –
C. Is it the right time –
D. Will it have any impact?
How to start a conversation:
1. Help me understand what you were thinking when you were saying/doing
2. I think I may have got my wires crossed in a previous interaction, what were you trying to communicate when you said/did this
3. I have really been praying and thinking about you recently and I was wondering how you were feeling about…….
4. I wanted to ask you a question about your culture or background, what are your feelings or understanding about…………….
5. Can I get your advice on something please
Helpful tips
Choose a time to talk when things are not rushed, and where the other person can talk to you privately.
The most helpful messages you can offer to a person is “I love you”, “I believe in you” “I care about how you are doing” and if that person is struggling, “I want you get some help.”
If the person shares some difficult information with you, the most helpful response is to really listen to what he or she is saying. It can be quite challenging to listen without interrupting or letting our own internal thoughts interfere but it is important to really attend to what they are saying. It is helpful to acknowledge that what they are thinking and feeling about their situation is their experience, even if you have a different perspective.
Offer non-judgmental support. You may have your own internal reactions which are completely natural for a person to have. But expressing those in the moment is more likely to shut down the communication than lead to helpful support and problem solving.
Be knowledgeable of and encourage the person to take advantage of the many resources available.
Offer to help the person in whatever ways you can to help them cope.
Communicate hope by reminding them that there are always options, you believe they can get through this difficult time, and that things tend to look different with time and action.
Conclusion
Are you at peace today with all your relationships?
2 John 1:3 Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Father’s Son, will be with us in truth and love.
You want grace so have to give it
You want mercy so have to give it
You want peace
Have all these when you speak the truth while have love