A person once said, “The Christian army is the only one that shoots its wounded.” Regrettably, I have observed his statement to be all too true. As long as I’ve been a Christian, I have watched friends and their families undergo untold pain and hurt because of the incredible power of gossip and slander. Years ago, my family was having a very painful time. I heard from different people, that some of my church family were gossiping and critical of what my children were going through. The pain my wife and I were already in was excruciating for us and our children. Then to hear some of our church family was criticizing us behind our backs, felt like a knife was thrust into our backs. At a time when we needed the love and support the most from our church family, this was so hurtful.
I would like to address this issue head-on. I want to raise awareness so that we will all better follow the Lord’s teaching regarding our speech about, and actions toward, others.
Definitions
What exactly is gossip? Here’s a good definition: “Gossip is second- or third-hand information that someone dumps on you without your prior consent and without the consent of the person being gossiped about.” Gossip can be true, partially true, or completely false. It can be motivated by good intentions, but it always contains negative personal information about another that puts them in a bad light. What is slander, then? The Bible, especially in Proverbs, teaches that slander is accusatory speech that is injurious to a person’s name and reputation. It’s essentially character assassination—the act of smearing someone. Gossip and slander color people’s perceptions of an individual unfairly and unjustly without their knowledge or consent. One major component in both of these sins is that the person being torn down is out of the loop. Talebearers usually avoid speaking directly to the one they are demeaning.
Finding a Standard
I will admit that I have listened to gossip in the past. I think most people who spread gossip are just like me—the thought never occurs to them about how deeply a person and their family could be hurt when someone attacks their character without their knowledge. Often we do not even realize that what we’re doing is engaging in gossip and slander.
For this reason, I have raised a standard in my life. To the best of my ability, I always evaluate people based on my first-hand experience with them, not on what someone else tells me about them. Because that second-hand information can be very misleading and inaccurate. Gossip and slander violate the Lord’s own standard:
Luke 6:31 NIV
[31] Do to others as you would have them do to you.
If anyone has suffered the agony of being gossiped about, they understand the force of those words. No one wishes to be the subject of gossip and slander. There are few things so hurtful.
One of the problems connected with gossip and slander is that they can seem innocent, and they often come to us subtly. One doesn’t have to be operating in malice to be guilty. Again, the motive is irrelevant. Spreading negative or shameful information about another person is contrary to walking in love. Love “thinks no evil” and “believes the best of others”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV
[4] Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. [5] It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. [6] Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. [7] It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
What does gossip and slander usually sound like? It usually begins with something like, “Did you hear about such and such ….” The rest of it goes on to put an individual in a shameful or negative light. A.W. Tozer had these powerful words of advice about the sin of gossip:
Never pass anything on about anybody else that will hurt him.” Love covers a multitude of sins”
1 Peter 4:8 NIV
[8] Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
The person who talks about others negatively , has no place in God’s favor. If you know something that would hinder or hurt the reputation of one of God’s children, bury it forever. Find a little garden out back—a little spot somewhere—and when somebody comes around with an evil story, take it out and bury it and say, “Here lies in peace the story about my brother.” God will take care of it.
Matthew 7:1-2 NIV
[1] “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. [2] For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
With what judgment you judge, you shall be judged.”
If you want God to be good to you, you are going to have to be good to his children. You say, “But that’s not grace.” Well, grace gets you into the kingdom of God. That is unmerited favor. But after you are seated at the Father’s table, he expects to teach you table manners. And he won’t let you eat unless you obey the etiquette of the table. And what is that? The etiquette of the table is that you don’t tell stories about the brother who is sitting at the table with you—no matter what his church affiliation, or nationality, or background. If a person is in a church that teaches false doctrine, address it with that person in a respectful, “speaking the truth in Love way”.
When Confronted by Gossip
So what should we do if we hear a rumor about someone else? If we are in conversation with a person and they begin to express words that put another brother or sister in a bad light, we have a responsibility to interrupt such speech and exhort them to speak directly with the person they are criticizing. If an email containing gossip is sent to us, we should disregard the content and ask the sender to go to the one person being spoken against.
In all circumstances, as much as lies with us, we should not be a party to gossip, and we should confront those spreading evil speech. We must not forget that matters of concern about others must be confirmed with witnesses,
Matthew 18:15-17 NIV
[15] “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. [16] But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ [17] If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
Others in the church should only be notified if the person refuses to stop their sinning. We sin by entertaining accusations against others that have not been confirmed by witnesses or that have already been repented of. It is sinful to spread information about the past sins of others when they are already under the blood of Christ. On occasion, there are times when we should also go to the person being targeted and make them aware of it. We should then ask for them to confirm or correct what is being said. This is the loving thing to do.
Think about it: if someone was spreading something negative about you, would you not want to be made aware of it? Again, love treats others the way we wish to be treated. It’s not good enough to ask the gossiper if they’ve spoken to the person gossiped about. In my experience, oftentimes a person spreading the gossip will say “yes,” but when I’ve tracked down the person being gossiped about, they will deny having had such a conversation. Or the conversation really wasn’t a conversation at all. Nothing can replace going directly to the person being spoken about.
Whenever we hear gossip, we should consider these questions: Would I want someone talking about me like this? How would my family feel about this? My spouse, my mother, my father, my children, my best friends? Have you ever noticed that speech that tears others down travels like a brush fire, but news of repentance and restoration seems to move along at a snail’s pace? Why is it that we often immediately believe and embrace negative assessments of people, but reports of repentance, change, or the dispelling of a false rumor are met with skepticism? As disciples of Jesus, the exact opposite should be our practice.
We should be skeptical of adverse words about others, and quick to rejoice in and embrace news of the dispelling of a rumor or another’s repentance! Satan’s nature is to be the “accuser of the brethren”
Revelation 12:10-11 NIV
[10] Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. [11] They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
In fact, the word Satan means “adversary,” and the word translated devil literally means “slanderer.” That should speak volumes. A careful reading of the Bible shows the destructive nature of gossip and slander.
It says; Proverbs 18:8 NIV
[8] The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.
Gossip is likened unto poison that once someone drinks, they cannot get out of their system. And it always separates people. Even close friends and loved ones. Put another way, gossip not only damages the person being gossiped about, but it also damages the person hearing the gossip, because it causes them to judge the other unfairly.
So, the next time you hear a rumor, go to the person being talked about. Never spread something about another person without talking to them first and having an open mind to hear their heart. Our mouths play a very important role in the pursuit of mutual edification and peace. Our words should be carefully chosen and designed to build up, not to destroy.
Lastly, if you are the victim of gossip, don’t sin in their sin. Don’t start talking to others about the people who were talking about you. Why? Because you are now committing the sin of gossip and causing innocent brothers and sisters who are listening to your complaints, to struggle. It cause division in the Body of Christ. It is such a serious sin that the Bible says to warn them once, then mark them by telling people to stay clear of them.
Titus 3:9-10 NIV
[9] But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. [10] Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them.
If you are hurt by gossip, and you pull back and stop obeying Jesus as Lord and seeking first His Kingdom, (Church), you are playing right into the Devil’s schemes.
2 Corinthians 2:8-11 NIV
[8] I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. [9] Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. [10] Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, [11] in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.
Ephesians 6:11-12 NIV
[11] Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. [12] For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Be like Jesus when you are hurt by a church member and obey the Bible’s direction!
1 Peter 2:21-23 NIV
[21] To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. [22] “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” [23] When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
Romans 13:8-10 NIV
[8] Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. [9] The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” [10] Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
We owe each other only love, patience and forgiveness!